Saturday, January 24, 2009

Goatjacking



You probably thought this was about a sequel to that skin flick you watched at Trent's off-the-chain bachelor party, right before he threw up and told you that he thought he was too gay to go through with the wedding. You let him cry and gently cradled his head in your lap as he passed out, truer friends there never were. But that's a different thing...

This headline will take your world away from you and hand it back in a shape that can only be used for mindfucking:

Goat Arrested for Mazda Robbery

This isn't some hoaxy hoax kind of hoax, people, I got this from the Internet.

Kwara state police spokesman Tunde Mohammed said: "The group of vigilante men came to report that while they were on patrol they saw some hoodlums attempting to rob a car.

"They pursued them. However, one of them escaped while the other turned into a goat.


Put on your preconception pants now. Not as comfortable as they used to be, huh?

Car thieves everywhere are probably thinking, "I gotta get me some of that goat turning into technology-how do I do it?"

Car thieves don't pay attention in school, if they did they wouldn't be car thieves. There's only one way to turn into a goat on the fly, which you would have known if you'd paid any attention in high school, assclamp: witchcraft (told you that shit was real).

Don't get too excited, son, witchcraft is even more illegal than grand theft auto.

This miscreant (Yeah, I know words!) must not be a very good witch because he's still in jail and he's still a goat. Sure, it's all harmless until some other witch who turned himself into a gorilla gets locked up and goes all "Oz" on you and makes you his dinner bitch.

We've learned two important lessons here today.

Crime just doesn't pay, even for witches.

Even goats prefer Japanese cars.

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