You just know that's what went through Simon Cowell's butt-cut British head when American Idol announced it was adding hottie Kara Dio...(fuck it, she's Italian and that's all we need to focus on) to the panel of judges.
Predictably, Randy Jackson threw out a "Yo dog, check it." But this time he did it without any pants on.
Look, per her contract, Paula Abdul has at least one public fit of insanity every season.
Oh, Girl on Girl gods, can you please make this season's psycho fit special? Maybe Paula could pop her girls out for the camera then linger a moment before she snakes her tongue down Kara's throat and they disappear under the table (FUCKING CENSORS!), only to resurface after several minutes of loud spanking sounds. And can it happen when whichever contestant we're supposed to pretend isn't gay this year is on stage?
Please, Girl on Girl gods, I haven't asked for a damn thing since Wild Things first hit theaters. That was back when Bill Clinton was president.
Bill Clinton, I say!
Hell, I'd even settle for Randy and Simon making the not-really-gay contestant sing "Ebony & Ivory" while they tried to work the sandwich deal.
If they start mackin' on each other though I will beat them mercilessly with Clay Aiken.
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